Michael wrote a great story but this process. I thought I would share it.

211 West Park Drive

Conception: two different cells come together and conceive something all together different, yet very similar. It is the blending of two personalities that become its own unique self and personality. An extravagant Greek (I know – redundant) who is convinced a 12 burner, 60” cook top is standard, and a frugal exceno who thinks recovering the couch she found after a yard sale on the side of the road in 1982 will be perfectly fine. A child is born.

There is no doubt in my mind, building a house is like having your first baby. Two cells come together, changing two lives, as they knew it, forever. It is possible to have every conceivable emotion and feeling known to mankind in 9 months, and even as short as 24-hours. Some emotions are even invented. We have had our babies and now we are building a house. I dreamed about this for a long time, and remember that fateful day I stood on the back porch and looked out at the South Mountains. With a gleam in my eye, I called my wife and said you have to see this – and our baby was conceived. Little did I know …

The first trimester: a designer baby – A dad, a mom, and an architect. Actually it was more like a mom and an architect, I was just the eye candy. This can be a very exciting time, as you start trying to put your dreams down on paper and conceptualize everything that you want. It can also be a little bit difficult for some people, like me, who see in two-dimensional, black-and-white, stick figures; and a wife who visualizes in 4D Hi-definition on steroids. Even the architect couldn’t keep up. This begets that which begets this, and on and on it goes like the lineage in the first chapter of Matthew. If you want a window there, you need the roof here and that means you need a column there, which means you need to move the roof line here, which means you need to make the guest room smaller, which means …

As the baby grows the hormones kick in and the cravings began. The needs, wants, and desires start filling up the nursery so fast you need a second room for the baby. How does something so small require so much? Of course no pregnancy is complete without family adding their thoughts, dreams, and horror stories. Which of course leads to changes of things you haven’t even thought about yet, but will need to change in the future.

Hormones and emotions can be a bit un-nerving as well. “Honey wake up” – it’s 2 o’clock in the morning and she is shaking me awake, asking me a question, … “you want what?” You want pickles and ice cream, surely I’m dreaming? No silly, how wide is our dining room table and do I think it will fit if we put it 36 inches off the back wall. Seriously is this a 2 o’clock in the morning problem? She has been on line looking at chandeliers, which means we need the roof line moved back 6 inches, and a window changed, so the dining room table fits under the new chandelier, and the guest room is larger again (see begats, above). And so it goes.

One romantic evening Jan introduced me to house porn. With the candles lite, for three mind-blowing hours, we proceeded to look at fixtures, walls, doors, and other such nuances of a new house on a thing called Pinterest and Houzz. Nifty little websites that bring a quadzillion pictures right to your computer so you can fantasize for hours. She gets energized doing this; I came to a better understanding of psychosis, and ran out of bourbon quickly. We would look at a picture and all I see is a room, and she is pointing out a lamp on a table in the back left-hand corner and how it is situated asking if I think that would work in the guest bedroom, … which just got smaller again, because we needed a wall to cover up a hole where the “extra” window we bought isn’t going to go. (See family suggestions above)

The second trimester: and construction is underway. Now it is a little more crowded and the cloths don’t fit; you have a mom, a contractor, an architect, and of course, the eye candy. Contractor’s idea for cloths not fitting is to tear a big hole in the back of his shorts and “Half-moon” his customers. I have never seen my wife laugh so hard then when she told me this story.

The second trimester is where things start to get uncomfortable, as the baby grows so grows the abdomen. I imagine when cloths stop fitting you start becoming conscious of the changes that have taken place on your person. Especially if you haven’t sold your first house, and you rented a second house, and you own the third one you’re paying to renovate. Lets not forget there are banks, contractors, and utility companies who want to actually get paid. I became acutely conscious of the changes in my body by the rapidly dwindling financial situation. I found great relief in the counsel that I could get a third job to keep up the third house! (See family suggestions above). Why did I not think of that earlier?  Sleep is so over rated.

Walls come down, and walls go up; two-dimensional starts becoming three-dimensional. Why do we have a wall there? Can you move it to the left? I am utterly amazed at the contractor’s patience and understanding as he smiles and says “Sure!” (Cha-Ching, and he laughs all the way to the bank). What contractor/engineer in his right mind puts a main support column off-center in the middle of a living room? I mean seriously! Wait for family suggestion, and viola, no problem, we just move the existing fireplace 14 inches to the left? Cha-Ching.

The first ultrasound is so exciting, or it can be. Now we get to see our baby in real life, and 3D detail. The tech groans more then you would expect and seems to hover over one place for an extended period of time. She has a worried expression on her face as she runs to get the contractor. “Well we have a little problem here, it seems there’s a solid cement landing, with a floor built over top of it. Built with untreated wood, too. We cannot create the vapor barrier or guarantee against termites.  It should be okay though – but in five years the floor may warp or you may just step through the floor from termite damage.” Well, do you think we can just tear out all the cement and fix it so we don’t have that concern? “Sure!” Cha-Ching and laughter echoes off the walls.

Meanwhile, hormonal, pregnant wife is trying to decide on colors for the nursery, and shows up with another flat of different shingles she wants put on the old roof so we can see what they would look like. Before this is over we will have a showcase of shingle choices for your viewing pleasure. I may leave them as Home Depot is willing to pay for exclusive touring rights for their customers. Who knows, I might be able to pay some of these bills, and laugh all the way to the bank with the contractor.

And so it goes; as this baby grows so do the growing pains. Help me understand this – I already have a pool and in order to make it work I have to build a new one over top of it, … and it costs what? Okay, so, how much would a fiberglass insert cost, … “What do you mean the same!” “Why?” Well, because ‘that is what it costs. Okay so what if I didn’t even have a pool, how much to put one over there? … “The same.”  Braxton-Hicks contractions start.

The third trimester: real crowded now. A mom, a contractor, electrician, plumber, HVAC, and lets not forget the eye candy! Nothing fits and your stuck in the reality there is no going back, yet things seem to have stopped going forward. How much longer do I have to live like this? Awhile longer that is for sure. But I know it is well worth the wait. The reality of what this child will bring is so exciting. The hopes, visions, and future dreams keep us going with anticipation. A home built for our children, and our children’s children; A place to break bread together as a family and with our friends, a place to share laughter, time, and love. Home and Family: it says it all. Some day soon I will carry my wife across the new threshold of our home and we will celebrate the journey. All the pain, heartaches, struggles and decisions will be a faded memory and new ones will be made.

Conception: two different cells come together and conceive something all together different, yet very similar. It is the blending of two personalities that become its own unique self and personality. But what happens when that zygote splits? I’m hoping Jan didn’t see that gleam in my eye last week while at the ocean and I thought about how nice it would be to have a place at the beach with a boat.